souffle_girlek | (no subject)

(no subject)

Oswin reminds herself, firmly, that she agreed to this.

She agreed to meet a doctor (not a Doctor) and talk. She agreed to come at a specific time to do this.

And a specific place.

And her pride kept her from saying that really, she'd rather walk over hot coals than go back into the infirmary if at all possible.

So Oswin arrives at Alana Bloom's new office looking more like an inmate facing execution than someone looking for help.

Actually, inmates probably look more relaxed. Any more tightly wound, and she'll fly apart in bits.

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"Oswin?" Alana asks, tilting her head. "Are you quite all right?"

"... Sure. I..." She chokes on the lie, grimacing. She can hold it together. She can do this, and not fail, and hold it together.

Right?

"Forgive me for saying so, but you don't look all right," Alana says, lacing her fingers together in her lap again. "Is it the assignment?"

After a long moment of debating whether or not she should just try to fake it harder, she nods, dropping her gaze to the floor.

"Well, let's talk about that," Alana says, leaning forward. "What about the assignment makes you nervous?"

"It should be fine. I... it should be fine." The answer feels inane, she's genius, damnit, she shouldn't be down to repeating herself. It makes her angry, that her brain can't seem to snap out of this loop.

"But... if it isn't..."

"If you can't quite manage to hang out with your friends this week, that's perfectly fine," Alana says, shaking her head. "You can try again next week. There's no penalty for failure for this."

Oswin looks up to stare for a long moment, searching for the lie, the trick. Evidently she doesn't find what she's looking for, as her shoulders slump with relief.

"Oh." The word lengthens, shuddering. "Oh, okay."

"I will try to never give you more than you can handle at any given time," Alana says, sitting back in her chair and making another note. "But I do want to push you out of your comfort zone. A little at a time."

"Okay." She takes a deep breath to try and settle her rattled nerves "I'm. Sure. That'll work."

She's not at all sure it'll work, but at least a failure won't be disastrous.

The corners of Alana's lips lift slightly. "I hope so," she says. "Now, I think that might be enough for today. Make sure you treat yourself for coming out here."

Oswin nods, not entirely convinced she did well today. For right now, doing it, however poorly, will just have to do.

"Will do. I... thank you." For not giving up on her, despite her glitches.

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