souffle_girlek | (no subject)

(no subject)

She knows it's late, but it's important, and...

Oswin pauses in front of the unfamiliar door, hand raised, and reconsiders.

It's very late. Or rather, very early. She shouldn't be a bother. She turns to go - she'll discuss this tomorrow.

Really.

No, she won't, and really, she ought to just... go talk about it. She turns on her heel again and marches up to the door and knocks on it, sharply.

And again, because she suspects she didn't knock loud enough the first time, that was rather hesitant.

...

And maybe again, it has been a while, maybe she's... out?

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"You don't sound like you believe me," Alana says, wryly amused. She sobers up quickly. "I'm sure the first thing he'll do when he gets here is check on you and the cat."

"Something to look forward to." She tries from more belief. She really does try.

"I'm sorry, I don't know what... it was just so..."

Not quiet.

Alana holds up a hand. "It's all right, Oswin, really. I don't mind being up," she says gently. "I want to be here for you no matter the hour. I just wish I could solve your problem. Give him more time. He'll come around, you'll see."

Oswin contemplates her tea.

"How do you do it?" She finally asks, softly, addressing the tea (evidently). "How do you not worry? Worry if he's alive, or not, or wishing he wasn't? Worry that if he somehow does survive, that when he comes back, he won't have done to him what the last war-like group I met tried to do to me? Subtract love, add anger - isn't that what war is?"

Edited 2016-01-28 07:26 (UTC)

Alana runs her thumb across the rim of her steaming mug. "It helps that I don't know him, so I can't attach a face to any worries I would have. You love him, clearly, and his absence hits you harder than it does me. When it comes to worry, all you can do is to put one foot in front of the other despite them. One way to staunch a worry is to get busy. Throw yourself into a previously not explored passion and make yourself too tired to think."

"That would have to be terribly busy." Oswin sighs. She... doesn't suffer from false modesty, no.

"And if you suggest I take up knitting or some other incredibly naff thing..." Well. She might be angry. But only until she realized she was and then would scare herself into... well. Not.

"I see," Alana says, blowing on her tea. "You don't have to take up knitting if it doesn't interest you. Does your tinkering with the little spiderbots make you forget your worry, at least for a time?"

"Well, I mean, there's different sorts of worry? I've been upgrading the spiderbots since that Security bloke with the looming problem threatened my cats."

Now they're her cats. Plural. She'll be damned if someone besides Autor manages to steal away Etude.

"Wait, someone threatened your cats?" Alana says, wide-eyed. "And he was on Security? What happened?"

"Somehow my search for Autor led to tall dark 'n' grumpy giving me a lecture on how I was being being mean to the cats by taking care of them instead of letting them run loose in a bar full of people who for all I know eat cats." Oswin huffs. "So now there's tasers."

...

Because Oswin upping the arms race is a good thing.

"Wait, I'm confused," Alana says, laying a hand on her cheek. "What tasers?"

"On the spiderbots. If he tries to come get those cats, he's going to eat lightening." Oswin replies, grimly.

"Oh," Alana says, blinking at her. "That might be a little drastic. I'm sure he won't come after your cats. And he wasn't breaking any rules by lecturing you, annoying as it might have been."

"He's bigger than me, and could kick a door down. The bots are getting tasers."

She gives Alana a wry look.

"It's not like I'm giving them little Dalek ray-guns or something. I could probably remember the specs if I thought about it."

Alana furrows her brow. "I can't advocate the use of violence, even if it's to keep your cats safe," she says, folding her arms. "I understand your need to protect yourself, but I'd be shocked if he came after you."

"No, he'll be." Oswin corrects. "And if he doesn't, no one gets hurt. It's not like there's going to be some spider-bot rampage."

Alana purses her lips. "I still think that you should reconsider," she says. "Your use of tasers could be construed as rule-breaking, because they hold the potential of violence."

Oswin snorts her tea.

"Are you kidding me? Do you know how many guns I've had aimed at me by jumpy army types in this bar? Honestly, if we're going by that standard I'm behind the times."

Alana frowns slightly, her brow creasing again. "No, I didn't know that had happened at all, and I'm sorry it did," she says. "I just don't want your use of tasers to escalate a conflict that might be able to be resolved peaceably."

"He can't have the cats, and he has the means and motivation to take them. I'm just making sure he reconsiders his options." Oswin can remember options being taken by force.

Like hell that's happening again.

"Do you want me to talk to him, to suss out his motives?" Alana says, resting two fingers on her temple. "I'm sure he means you no harm."

"I do not want a deeper understanding of Cap'n Broody. I'd be just as happy to never see him again, actually." Oswin frowns, putting her tea down. "What, do you think I'm trying to start some sort of war or something?"

"Not at all," Alana says, picking up her tea mug again. "I think your reaction is a little bit overboard, but makes sense in the context of your history. If you were planning on starting conflict, you'd have gone on the offense rather than staying defensive."

"Too right." Oswin grumbles. "And it'd be over by now."

This is a bit optimistic. Also, probably not reassuring.

Alana draws a breath through her nose, concealing the sigh she wants to give. "Well, for everyone's sake, I'm going to hope that you'll be able to avoid this Security member from now on. Do you have video footage of him? I'd recommend deleting that so you aren't reminded of your anger at being lectured."